Establishing a Relationship with the Torah

G!d gazed into the Torah and created the world. 

– Bereisheet Rabbah 1:1 –

Before entering rabbinical school, I approached one of my rabbis to discuss a concern I had. I knew that in the years ahead, I would be spending my days in intensive study of halachic (Jewish legal) minutiae. My concern was that I would lose my connection to the “heart” of the Torah, the spirituality, the life giving energy of the Torah. My rabbi responded, “Baruch, your whole life (as in life itself) is Torah.” His remark hit home in my heart and remains to this day as an important guiding disposition towards Torah learning: the text of the Torah itself, is only one aspect (albeit central and defining) of the Torah of life’s teaching. In other words, life itself, when seen as an expression of Torah, can be a powerful tool in accessing the essential life energy of the Torah text itself…it is a relationship.

This disposition, is echoed by the following story from the Chabad tradition:

Once, in the early years of his leadership, Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi (the founder of Chabad) told his chassidim (his followers): ‘One must live with the times.’ The younger chassidim asked the older ones what the Rebbe’s statement meant. Rabbi Schneur Zalman’s brother explained what the Rebbe meant. One must live with the times’ means that every day one should ‘live with’ and experience in one’s own life the Torah portion of the week and the specific section of the week’s portion which is connected to that day.

While the Torah is a written text, it is intended to be a lived text, brought to life in the day to day of our worldly existence.  

Such is the concern and desire of Jewish parents and educators, how do we access the life giving energy of the Torah? One way to do this is through using the Torah portion of the week, or “Parashat Hashavua,” as a means to articulate family values is a profound and meaningful practice. The Torah, which serves as the foundational text of Jewish tradition, offers rich narratives, ethical teachings, and timeless lessons that can guide families in shaping their values and fostering a sense of identity. Below you will find some helpful ways in which families can engage with the weekly Torah portion to reinforce Jewish values, promote discussions, and strengthen their familial bonds. The most important thing to keep in mind is that creating a relationship is a journey, a process, and no matter what your age or even level of Jewish education, you can always begin somewhere.

Creating a Weekly Family Tradition

1. Family Study Time:

Setting aside time each week to study the Torah portion can be an enriching family tradition. Families can gather on Shabbat or any other convenient time to read the portion together, discuss its themes, and relate them to their own lives. This dedicated time fosters connection and allows family members to engage with the text on a personal level. Confusing or even challenging parts of the Torah narrative can become exciting pathways for further exploration and discovery. 

2. Discussion Questions:

To facilitate meaningful discussions, families can prepare questions related to the Torah portion. For example, after reading about the story of Noah, families might discuss the values of responsibility and stewardship of the earth. How can these values be applied in their own lives? This practice not only encourages critical thinking but also ensures that everyone’s voice is heard, reinforcing the importance of dialogue and inclusion. Keep in mind that you do not have to know the answers to every question. Questions are part of the “quest in” developing a relationship with the Torah. There are also a vast amount and spectrum of resources families can make use of both online and in-person. I know that good rabbinic leaders would be more than delighted to help a family with their “quest-ins”.

Highlighting Core Values

1. Ethical Teachings

The Torah is rich in ethical teachings that can serve as a foundation for family values. For instance, in Parashat Mishpatim, which outlines various laws concerning justice and fairness, families can emphasize the value of justice. They might discuss how this value manifests in their everyday lives, such as treating others with respect and standing up for what is right. Keep in mind that there are teachings in the Torah which may be challenging to modern sensibilities. Families can use these opportunities to discuss difficult subjects openly and honestly. For instance, if the portion deals with conflict resolution, families can share personal experiences and explore how they can apply these teachings to navigate their own conflicts. This openness cultivates resilience and encourages growth. Ideally, our orientation should incline towards looking for what we can learn from challenging portions of the Torah, even if in the end it is simply an appreciation for conversation around the ideas presented in the text and the commentaries through the ages.

2. Role Models in the Torah

Many figures in the Torah exemplify values that families can aspire to. For instance, Abraham and Sarah are often viewed as models of hospitality and kindness. Families can discuss how they can embody these values in their own home by practicing generosity and welcoming others. This connection between Torah figures and family behavior provides a relatable framework for understanding and internalizing values.

Applying Lessons to Daily Life

1. Real-World Connections

After studying the Torah portion, families can discuss how its teachings apply to contemporary situations. For instance, if the portion discusses themes of compassion and care, families can brainstorm ways to practice these values in their community—such as volunteering or helping a neighbor in need. This practice helps children see the relevance of Torah teachings in their everyday lives. Families can share moments from the past week where they felt they embodied their values or instances where they faced challenges.

2. Setting Family Goals

Families can use insights gained from the Torah portion to set collective goals. For example, if the week’s portion emphasizes the importance of integrity, families might decide to hold each other accountable for honest communication and ethical behavior. These goals create a shared commitment to living out their values, reinforcing a sense of purpose and direction.

Engaging Children and Youth

1. Age-Appropriate Discussions

When discussing the Torah portion, it’s essential to adapt conversations to suit different age groups. Younger children might focus on stories, while older children and teenagers can engage in deeper discussions about ethical dilemmas presented in the text. This approach ensures that every family member feels included and valued, promoting a culture of open dialogue.

2. Creative Activities

To engage children further, families can incorporate creative activities related to the Torah portion. This could include arts and crafts that illustrate the week’s themes or storytelling sessions where children reenact key events. Such activities help solidify the values being taught and make the learning process enjoyable.

Creating a Family Legacy

1. Recording Insights

Families can maintain a journal where they record insights gained from each week’s Torah portion. This journal can serve as a living document of the family’s evolving values and reflections. Over time, it becomes a cherished resource that future generations can look back on to understand their family’s values and legacy.

2. Family Rituals

As families engage with the Torah portion, they might create unique rituals that reflect their values. For example, if gratitude is a core value, a family could start each Shabbat meal by sharing something they are grateful for, inspired by the teachings of the Torah. These rituals foster a sense of identity and continuity, linking family members to their heritage.

3. Celebrating Growth

Families can take time to celebrate how they have integrated the values discussed over the weeks. Reflection on personal growth reinforces the idea that values are not just principles to aspire to but are also lived experiences that shape family dynamics.

Using the Torah portion of the week as a framework for articulating, developing, and strengthening family values is a rich and rewarding practice. It fosters open dialogue, encourages ethical reflection, and strengthens family bonds through shared learning. By engaging with the text, families can connect their heritage to their daily lives, reinforcing the principles that guide their behavior and relationships. In doing so, they not only deepen their understanding of Jewish tradition but also create a lasting legacy of values that can be passed down through generations. Through this process, the Torah becomes a living guide that shapes the moral fabric of the family from generation to generation.

– Rabbi Baruch Rock